Living With Schizoaffective Disorder: Lyrical Narrative By Joshua Siron

living with schizoaffective disorder

Living with schizoaffective disorder.

Joshua has once again written a deeply moving poem expressing and sharing what living with schizoaffective disorder is all about. He elucidates that the ‘illness is only half the battle for us’ and dedicates this new poem, trying to explain how it feels to live with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. The poem is written exceptionally well and paints a poignant picture of the trauma that a person suffering from schizoaffective disorder goes through.

We thank Joshua for sharing this wonderful poem and hope he would continue writing and sharing with our readers.

These are his words….

Why They Hate Us

The reason they don’t like me
Is they see in me
some defective tragedy
all because I’m schizophrenic
so I must panic
and be up to some tragic antic
or a violent tactic
My whole life has been dramatic
Half the hurt from my illness
Is it’s an excuse for people to give up on forgiveness
I hurt from being left in the dirt
due to this
social ignorance
Left damn near helpless
For being cursed as the worst
Alone and left like this
gives up and deserts
people like me
I feel pain to and it hurts
Knowing it’s much more than likely
that they choose to desert
because the difference in how our brains work
might be frightening
Not because I go berserk
But because I was born unlucky
The very
label is labeled
Enough reason for them to not love me
My symptoms disabled
Social respect and shamed me
Barely out of the cradle
They learned to hate me
Making the pain hard to subside and settle
Because they blame me
I’m a mellow fellow
but they still choose to degrade me
Giving me a chance close to zero
Never clever enough to realize
stress this size
requires super hero
like bravery
Because of judgmental rants
and raves
I’m given little to no chance
from very first glance
due to the stereo type
of how a schizophrenic behaves
Don’t believe the hype
im a little odd and strange
But not wrong for being not quite right
in the brain
To me people don’t see they act like
their the ones who are deranged
completely out of sight
That what they fear and how they act is all the same
So they suppress the light
I need with no shame
for me to progress
Their paranoid mind frame
Damages my level of success
Making my future farther from range
I’m cursed instead of blessed
Losing much more than I’ve gained
Not from the illness but how it’s addressed
Our name is permanently shamed
Most of us can’t help but to regress
looking in the mirror stressed feeling inferior choosing us to blame
For the value of our life being worth less
Forever ashamed
I must not be able to pass this test
So my value instantly lessens
Even though when black and white its society blamed best
Wishing to avoid their unpredictable behavior and hidden expressions
That Subconsciously make me suggest
what they really think negatively link
with unspoken confessions
You can’t guess whats next
When you feel that fearful voice
mixed with confusion and paranoid aggressions
it deploys no joys just annoys words into noise
Causing instant suppression
That only destroys
conversation and alternative suggestion
How can I stand tall and not fall
into multiple sessions
With my back against the wall
forced to fight anxiety attacks and other depressions
I fear what I see you just fear what I saw
Making you choose to turn the other direction
Do you not care that the cards I was given to draw
Makes folding a strong conscious suggestion
But I’m smart enough to know
it not the cards you have but how they’re played
So though my cards don’t show
How I bluff is how I’m saved
Unlike you I slow my roll
Refusing to be deceived
In order to save my own soul
that the cards you received
Cant give you more control
In what I not only believed
But also what I know
It’s not the cards retrieved
that have the ability to get me out of such a hole
It’s being able to patiently proceed
and the courage not to fold

Joshua Siron

About the Author

2 thoughts on “Living With Schizoaffective Disorder: Lyrical Narrative By Joshua Siron

  1. This poem is so absolutely and completely an accurate description of how Josh sees and feels his disorder and the disorder through societies eyes. He is my nephew and I am proud to have such an intelligent and loving member of my family. Congrats Josh on another beautifully expressed poem.

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